Recovering Baptist

I’m coming to grips with the fact that I no longer identify myself as a conservative. While I agree with many conservative principles, the truth is that the gap between so-called conservatives (and worse, their evil cousins the neo-conservatives) and me is widening on a regular basis.

The topic of abortion came up this weekend while I was on a camping trip with a bunch of men. While I am pro-life, I don’t understand the obsession that some on the right have with this topic. One of the men gave an explanation that sheds some light on the subject. In short, he believes that God is going to judge “us” for the fact that “we” allowed this horrible sin to be legal. I’m hesitant to take on this man’s theology since he is an elder in our denomination, but I’m thinking it’s worthwhile.

There’s no doubt that God judges people. The Old Testament is full of genocide at God’s direction because some people group has harmed the Hebrews in some way. And the Hebrews found themselves a part of one empire or another due to them turning away from God. But I can’t find any clear indication of God judging the empire because His people didn’t stop the sin of other people groups within that empire. In fact, I can only think of two documented cases of God’s judgment against a people group for their internal sins (that is, for something other than poor treatment of the Jews) - the flood and Sodom and Gomorrah. In both of those cases, God preserved His people; he didn’t judge them because of everyone else’s sins.

So it seems to me that the problem is that the religious right has decided to claim responsibility for the entire nation. This feeling of responsibility feeds the paternalistic impulse of religious conservatives to support laws which restrict freedom for activities which some people can enjoy without problems but would tempt others beyond their capabilities to enjoy in moderation. And this is the fundamental difference between the religious right and the religious libertarians - we believe that God will judge the Church for its sins of commission and sins of omission, but He will not hold us responsible for failing to control the impulses of those outside the church.

Now, all of this being said, do I wish abortion were illegal? Yes. I’ve told my story before of how as an embryo I came a bit too close to the doctor’s knife. And as a libertarian I don’t see how we can say someone has basic human rights which must be respected only to ignore the most basic one. However, when it comes to choosing the person who sits in the Oval Office, I think the obsession over who a President might choose to fill a potential vacant seat on a court which might face a case on whether a woman has a right make a choice to murder her baby makes sense. Especially not when the same person will directly make a choice to send people to the front lines where certainly some of them will die and others (as a sad but unavoidable fact of war) will kill conscious human beings. If God is going to judge “us,” then we need to consider all of our actions.

One of my friends pointed several of us to the Lûscher color quiz. Whether it’s the MBTI, color tests, fortune cookies, or tea leaves, we can all look to something and find some reflection of ourselves in it. The color quiz, however, captured enough truth about me that my friends were both frightened by and in agreement with the results.

RB took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! “Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in …” Click here to read the rest of the results.

The results are true enough. One person said it made her sad to read the results, and another said that I sounded very intense. Both are true. Some of the phrases of the results give words to feelings for which I have had none:

• Feels in an invidious position: that trust, affection, and understanding are being withheld…Feels he is getting nowhere; that, instead of the admiration he needs, he is consistently misunderstood. Wants to escape from the situation…
• Circumstances are forcing him to compromise, to restrain his demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things he wants.
• Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action.
• Wants to act freely and uninhibitedly, but is restrained by his need to have things on a rational, consistent, and clearly-defined basis.
• The tensions…have led to…a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy.

Sadly, the above are all true. I am an intense person who likes to do things, but it’s hard to free myself to do anything because of the boys. Work is contributing to the feelings of inadequacy. And lately I have put aside all of my hobbies which gave me a sense of accomplishment (playing music, remodeling our house, playing ultimate frisbee) in exchange for those which require less effort (like enjoying fine food and drink prepared by someone else or smoking a pipe with friends).

When you add all of this to the other underlying problems that I have been working on lately (and about which I will eventually post), it’s not a fun time to be me right now. It’s an eye opening time of self-reflection, but I am ready for this phase to be over and to see what I’m like on the other side of it.

Final note - the Lûscher test is 50 years old, and it is a real and serious psychological test. The book makes it clear that it is “not a parlor game.” It’s not the kind of thing to do while drinking with acquaintances. This is something to either disregard altogether, or, better yet, to discuss with real friends who love you and can talk with openly and honestly.