Recovering Baptist

Sunday night about 2:00 am my wife kicked me to stop my snoring. As I was starting to get back to sleep I heard a familiar ringing in my ears. I’ve had tinnitus before, but this was unusual. It started out at one deafening pitch and then others were added in. And the noise didn’t stop for over 9 hours.

So it was off to an ENT yesterday afternoon. What else was I to do? I couldn’t hear out of my left ear, which made thinking or even sitting up straight tough. And there I had my first real hearing test in years.

Apparently hearing tests haven’t changed in 20 years. The equipment in the brand new building was from the mid 1980’s, and the one computer in the room was running either Windows 98 or possibly Windows 95. The results were scored by hand using colored pens. But they were conclusive in two ways. First was what I already knew - yesterday I had serious hearing loss in my left ear. Second was what I didn’t - I haven’t heard well in either ear for years. It turns out that I have some sort of genetic hearing loss, and we knew that because my hearing is down in the middle frequencies - the areas which are not hurt by exposure to loud noises. There’s no way to know yet whether it’s progressive or what effect it will have on my sound-engineering hobby, but it’s certainly disconcerting.

So the next time you’re talking to me and I don’t hear what you’re saying, it may be that I honestly can’t hear you. Or I may just be ignoring you…

It was about bedtime Monday night when I told the boys to each pick out a story. I read Fox in Socks at the behest of our younger one and then asked our older boy what book he had. “Are you my mother?” he replied. For kicks I told him to read it to me. He’s four, and I figured there was no way he would get through the whole thing.

I was wrong.

It’s amazing to watch how he’s learning, even when he’s not being explicitly taught. His school is just now getting to the alphabet, and he lost interest in learning how to read from us. Apparently that’s because he plans to teach himself.

Heck, if the kid’s going to learn how to do things on his own, maybe I can interest him in doing my taxes next…

Jetlag sucks, but it’s great to be back home. Some bosses might complain when someone falls asleep on the job, but that’s one of the great things about working at home - who has to know??? Goodnight…

While I was eating poi and watching hula dancers the rest of the world was learning about A-rod and Barry. Given how he took the focus off the World Series (granted, it was a pretty dull series), Rodriguez deserves to have his big, shiny new contract overshadowed by Bonds’ indictment. While everyone is innocent until proven guilty, we all learned during the Vick debacle that the Feds don’t indict unless they’re very sure of a conviction. Here’s hoping the Feds did their homework and have this case wrapped up.

Sometimes I think it’s better to know nothing about yourself then to have taken a dozen personality profiles. It’s even worse when you fail those stupid things. Based on the Myers Briggs I’ve taken I’m an XXTX, and I think the T is changing these days. Damn!

Some places are great for business travel. When you’re there you know that there are other people just as focused and miserable as you are. Honolulu is not one of those places. Everywhere you look here you see couples or groups of friends laughing and having a good time. There are so many single (especially Japanese) women here that some single guys could have a great time, but for a half-way introverted married man who’s spent all day talking to people in a conference room it pretty much sucks. I’ve had just enough of people that I don’t want to see another one, yet I feel so alone that I just wish I had a real friend (preferably my wife) here with me.

I’m trying to find ways to enjoy myself, but the schedule just isn’t allowing it. Work starts too early and ends too late for me to continue my surfing lessons; the light doesn’t last long enough to spend much time trying my hand at photography; and I really hate shopping. I think I’m the only person I know who could come to Hawaii and not have a good time. Dangit, now I feel even more alone. Hmmm. 8:00. I think it’s time for bed.

Noe one really likes jet lag, but there is a bright side to it. Jet lag means that you’re somewhere far away from home, and that usually means that you’re somewhere exotic like Europe or Hawaii. And that pretty much described me today. I don’t care what people say, jet lag hits me going both east and west. So I was in a fog until lunch. I thought about taking a nap, but today was my only real free day, so I decided to hit waikiki beach. I walked past the wall which protects most of the beach from the waves and joined the crowd closest to the surfers. Maybe it was the exhaustion; maybe it was the need to overcome the severe loneliness that comes from business travel; maybe it was the beers I had with lunch. Whatever it was, I found myself walking back to the beach.

Surfing. That’s a lot like snowboarding - the sport which led to two wrists broken in the same day. Could this really be a smart thing to try, even with lessons? It probably wasn’t, but I shelled out a few bucks for a group lesson anyway. A local guide who called himself “Hi Tide” showed us the basics and led us into the Pacific. He guaranteed that I’d at least stand up on the board, and I did on my first try. It was such a cool feeling, and I felt like I could go on forever. That is, until I realized I was about to run someone over and I didn’t know how to steer the 10 foot board underneath me. So I followed Hi Tide’s instructions and fell onto my stomach. When I came up I grabbed for the board and couldn’t find it. The safety had come loose, and now I had to swim for what seemed to be forever until I could retrieve it. By the time I got back out to my class I was pretty tired, and by the time I tried to catch my third wave I knew I was done. I told Hi Tide “mahalo” and returned to shore proud of my meager accomplishment.

Learning to surf was a rush, and I hope I get to finish my lesson. Next time I’m going to try after a proper night’s sleep. At least, I’m telling myself that I had to give up because of the jet lag. Surely it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I spend 8-10 hours a day sitting on my ass behind a desk…

It’s been fourteen months in the making, but I’m finally returning to the Aloha State. My flight is in a few hours and I’m still not packed. I’ve got the boys to myself while I get everything ready, this should be fun, but it’s all downhill after that.

My job’s taking me to Hawaii. Twice. You know you want to be me right now.

Aloha!

In my younger friends I entertained my friends by pretending to be a musician. We did learn one important lesson that anyone who gets in front of people should memorize - always leave them wanting more. I found out today that doesn’t apply to golf.

The tournament was nice enough. It was Phil Niekro’s annual charity tournament, and the location was Chateau Elan. We played the Chateau course, and it was beautiful, despite the heavy morning frost. Knucksie brings in a lot of former pro players and personalities, and my hopes were raised when I saw Ernie Johnson Sr.’s name on one of the carts, but he never showed up. I hope that’s not a sign of failing health.

I figured that a best-ball tournament like this one would be perfect for me. I’d have a chance to get to play a few of my balls while overlooking my mostly horrible play, and I thought I could put my putting to good use. Little did I know that this tournament had a “par or better” rule. We couldn’t score worse than par on any hole, so that meant that if we didn’t make birdie or better then we just went on to the next hole. There really isn’t anything less fulfilling than not hearing the ball hit the bottom of the cup, even if it’s from someone else on your team.

The day wasn’t a total loss. I did have a good time, and I learned more about how to improve my game, but given the choice next year, I think I’ll pass on this tournament. If I want to help a charity, I think I’ll just give a donation and then go play a round on my own. At least then I probably won’t run out of beer and Cokes.

Around the time I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage I was talking to my parents. “What does her father do?” they asked. “I think he’s a doctor.” (Turns out I was wrong about that, he’s the CEO of a medical practice…) “Sfppppptttttt” was my dad’s response as he spit out his coffee. I don’t think they liked the idea of me marrying outside of their comfortable middle class.

So I think it’s pretty funny that my dad and I are heading to Chateau Elan on Thursday morning for a round of golf. We’ve played golf together plenty of times, as it’s the one thing we have in common right now, but we usually play at courses where we carry our own bags and a cart isn’t even an option. This is going to be something completely different to the point that we both bought new golf shoes so we wouldn’t stand out! Granted, my golf sandals would look a bit funny in November, but I can’t think of the last time that I’ve given my attire this much thought.

I’ll report back after our round. I’m sure we’ll play horribly, but that’s not really news worthy. Being in a fancy schmancy place and possibly rubbing elbows with well known baseball players (it’s Phil Neikro’s charity tournament) is definitely a rare experience for me.

All my friends know that I’m really not a big fan of Christmas. Put me in the Charlie Brown camp - the overcommercialization of a religious (pick your favorite religion - Christianity, ancient Roman Paganism, etc.) holiday combined with the ever increasing time we have to endure the insufferable ads makes me grumpier than usual.

Last night I was flipping channels between Mythbusters reruns and Monday Night Football. I don’t remember which channel ran the ad, but the advertising assault has begun. Garmin, the maker of an amazing line of GPS receivers, was running an ad for its latest product, but it did so by ruining Carol of the Bells. Why do we have to see snowflake ads when there isn’t even any snow to speak of in the Rockies, and why did they have to bastardize an otherwise great song???

I happen to be buying GPS equipment for work these days. I’m glad my customer is using another product. I really don’t feel like buying $12,000 worth of product from Garmin right now. Talk about backfiring marketing!