Recovering Baptist

This hurts to write. I’ve already cried once today, and that’s not something that happens with me often.

For the few who have read this blog over the years, you may have known that I reached my writing point when it was a part of a site called atlbloggers.net. That site was set up by a former coworker named Chris. His online moniker was kickthedonkey.

For a lack of a better turn of phrase, Chris literally dropped dead today while riding to work on the bus. He was 29 years old. He loved his wife, and his two kids were the highlight of his life.

Chris and I started working at the same company around the same time. He was a co-op and I was a contractor. When I was insourced I managed to drag him along. When I moved to headquarters staff he managed to join me. We worked well together, but more importantly, we became good friends. When I left that company and began working from home we kept in touch through email, IM, and the occasional call. We were always scheming, trying to come up with ways to make a go at some sort of new website that would at least bring us satisfaction if not fame and fortune. The fact is, he nailed the sort of communal, federated blogging concept before Facebook or Twitter took off, and he programmed the entire thing from scratch. And a brief recommendation from him was all that was required for me to line up a new position in his company after I had been laid off. Had it not been for a better opportunity, we would have been coworkers again - an opportunity I would have cherished.

The “better” opportunity, the job I took, has turned out to be just that. I am excelling in my new job, which is why I haven’t had time to write much lately. I am an IT project manager, which means that I have to be able to earn the respect of true IT gurus. I have only been able to do that because Chris and one other guy introduced me to Linux many years ago and guided me through the process of becoming a true geek. As I write this it sounds trite, but it’s anything but. Chris helped me understand more about computers, computer processes, and establishing good processes than any of the classes I took at Georgia Tech. He was the kind of person who thought writing hardware drivers would be fun. I still can’t imagine that kind of knowledge. But anyone who has ever wondered how I have music playing at my house and streaming across the world needs to know that it wouldn’t have happened without Chris. And the same goes for this blog.

Chris and I were just friends. We were the type of friends who were occasionally connected but could pick up a friendship where it left off. That doesn’t happen often, especially between people with different political and religious beliefs. My grief is difficult. I cannot imagine what his wife an children are going through right now. I still don’t know how she managed to pick up his cell phone and call me today to tell me the news. That kind of strength in tremendous difficulty speaks of someone with great strength. I know she will pull through and that her children will be loved, but I wish reality could be changed for them and for all of us who called him a friend.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to weep a time to laugh; a time to mourn…

I received a call from an old coworker the other day. It was good to hear his voice. He is the only person from my old company who has called me since I lost my job.

Nothing has improved at my old company. The product that my team was supporting is so bad that the company has decided that it is no longer attempting to sell it to that specific industry any more. And this makes me smile because it’s the exact reason why I was the one chosen when the time came for layoffs. I was the one who dared to call the baby ugly, but I also demonstrated several ways that we could make things better and actually serve our customers. The sales and product development teams were convinced that I was a naysayer who refused to accept the fact that our product was popular and that our customers should change everything about their business to buy our software. I guess they’ve finally seen that no one wants to pay money to be told that they don’t know how to run their business.

Predictably, I have been made the fall guy for everything that is wrong with one of my old projects. On the one hand, I can’t blame the people who are doing that. I once had a boss tell me to blame everything on him once he retired; there was no way that he would be affected by me passing the buck to him. On the other hand, though, I have to admit some damaged pride. I lost my job because I did things right. I followed the processes set down by the company, and that ruffled the feathers of some powerful people who didn’t want to hear the truth or be held accountable.

During interviews the “greatest weakness” question almost always comes up. I wish I had the guts to say the truth. My greatest weakness is that I cannot kiss the ass of someone who does not deserve it.

Man was created to work, and his work is to have meaning to him.

This is one of those truths that is more easily recognized once something important is taken away. I am now in my tenth month of unemployment, and I’m amazed at all the ways it has affected me. Work provides a sense of importance and accomplishment. It also provides a sense of structure. With those things gone it is very easy for me to be listless. If I didn’t have a family there is no doubt that my house would be floor to ceiling packed with laundry and dirty dishes, and I would probably only leave the couch for bare necessities. Fortunately I have a wife who doesn’t let any of that happen.

I’m stuck in limbo right now waiting to hear back on whether I have a new job. I’ve been here several times, and it sucks. It’s easier to hear right away that a company isn’t interested in you than to be dragged along thinking that they’ll hire you only to find out that they won’t.

Everything about this process is awful, including the fact that it’s made my persistent insomnia even worse, which is why I’m writing at 6:00 am. There’s just no point in lying in bed if you’re not going to sleep. The awful part is that there’s no point in being awake when you have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

My cousin has an amazing story. He has nearly died more than once, and he is now on his second transplanted kidney. We didn’t play together as kids, partly because our families lived on different sides of town, and partly because he seemed to live in the local children’s hospital. He still spends more time in hospitals than anyone else I know, but when he’s not telling the doctors what meds to prescribe, he’s on his bike. That’s right, while I’m sitting on my ass at home, he’s out riding 30 miles a day.

The riding is a good thing for him. It’s therapeutic. But it’s also part of a publicity campaign for a non-profit organization he has helped start. Team Green Cycling is an organization dedicated to raising awareness of the need of transplant organs, and to supporting transplant recipients and their families. Team Green just received their 503(c) status, and over the next year, it will be participating in a number of cycling events in hopes of raising awareness and funds. Please check the website from time to time to see if there are any events in your area, and if you are so inclined, please donate. Better yet, please ensure that you are a registered organ donor and that your family knows your wishes.

In the grand scheme of things, unemployment isn’t the bleakest of all situations. Things could be worse. I could be fighting cancer, or worse, my wife or children could be deathly ill. I could be facing foreclosure or bankruptcy, and at this point we’re still a far ways away from that. Regardless, unemployment does start to take its toll after a while.

When I lost my job earlier this year I was confident that I would land something soon. After all, I was confident in my experience and successes; I had a good resume; and I had good references. I interview very well, and in one early interview I even impressed the president of the company. But as time has progressed and the economy has slumped, I’ve started to lose hope. The calls are less frequent, and the more I review my experience the less confident I am in my successes. Worse, the positions which interest me all require some level of experience which I don’t have. In any other economy that wouldn’t be a problem, but this is not any other economy.

I’m quickly losing hope. I fully expect that things will work out in the long term, but the short term is very frightening. The effect is that I am beginning to be paralyzed. I’m losing interest in things that I used to enjoy, which partly explains the lack of blogging despite the abundance of free time. I do still have my faith, which is the only reason I have long term hope right now, but other than that and my wife, I don’t have much else to hang my hat on right now. At least my doctor prescribed some Valium; it may be for some other ailments, but it doesn’t hurt to have that in my system during a time like this.

I’m not a betting man, but I am intrigued by the accuracy of the point spread in football. The point spread is a market tool which encourages a roughly equal number of people to bet on each team in the game. It seems so simple, and yet, it is effective enough that the so-called sports experts on sports radio do well to pick right 60% of the time.

When it comes to this weekend’s game in Athens, some people may be tempted by the spread. At last check, UGA was picked by 8, which is down from the initial 12 point spread. Here’s a tip for this game. Ignore the spread. Place your bet based purely on which team will win; there’s little doubt that the winning team will beat the spread, regardless of how large it is. I am not a football genius, but here is my breakdown of the game.

Georgia Tech essentially runs two plays: the option and the pass. Its pass offense is rarely exceptional, and it cannot be relied upon when the option is not working. If UGA’s defense can use its off week to figure out how to stop the triple option threat, then it will be a long day of the Jackets. Tech will give up a couple of turnovers, UGA will dominate the clock, and the Jacket defense will tire. Knowshown will have a career day, and UGA, badly needing a marquee win, will not hesitate to run up the score.

The one major criticism of Mark Richt is that he does not run a very disciplined football team. Tech’s biggest hope is that UGA’s defense does not play disciplined football and overpursues, creating holes and allowing the option to work as designed. If this happens early, the Jackets may tear off a 70+ rushing play while slowly eating up clock (and wearing out the defense) on other possessions. UGA would then need to turn to its passing game. If the Jackets’ defense can stay fresh, then they may be able to get to Stafford and create frustration. GT will not show restraint in Samford Stadium as it did against Miami and will do its best to replicate its infamous Cumberland performance.

I cannot see a scenario where this game is decided by less than two touchdowns, but just to be safe, I’m keeping my money in my pocket, regardless.

Tonight we said goodbye to our houseguest from the past week. He and I worked together for several years; I was his customer, but we sat next to each other. I attended his wedding, and I was his sounding board when his wife left him. Not surprisingly, he returned home to Pakistan for a few years after that hard time.

Needless to say, I was glad when he called to say that he was returning to the US, and thrilled when he accepted a job back here in Atlanta. We wouldn’t have it any other way; he had to stay with us until he found his own place and got on his feet here again. The last eight or nine days have flown by. Every time he, my wife, and I sat down, we had another intriguing conversation about his homeland, his Muslim faith, our country, or business.

Today he moves into his apartment. I’m happy for him, but a bit sad, too. We’ll continue to see each other, but it was fun having him around every evening. And our kids love him, too. It’s going to be a bit more dull here now that he’s moved out. But at least we can put pork back on the family menu!

In the early 1930’s my grandfather left the farm in Georgia and headed to Miami. I’m still not exactly sure what he did with the CCC; all I know is that he was gone for a while so he could pay the bills on the farm. I’m sure working for the government was less fulfilling than working his own land, but a man does what he has to do.

Today I take a 66% pay cut. I will be working near the lowest rung of manual labor installing metalwork. I have no idea what I’m doing, which is why the pay is so low, but at least I’ll be earning some cash. At least I won’t be digging ditches or shoveling manure.

Like my grandfather, I would rather be doing something else, but also like him, I’m thankful for the work. Recruiter phone calls have dried up in the last week, and it will probably take a while for companies to decide that they can hire again. While all of that is going on, I’m going to take work wherever I can find it. Today that means I’m working with metal. I think I’m going to miss my desk job…

Hopefully this weekend’s events will mean that this is the last time we see something like this:

I do so enjoy it when overrated teams are put in their place. The USC loss was a lot of fun to watch, but I was afraid that it might lead to UGA leapfrogging Oklahoma into first place. Whew.

I’m not just saying UGA was overrated because I hate them. I do. But Dawgs fans need to recognize who and how UGA played in their first three games. They still haven’t really proven much this year. Hell, when it comes to SEC games, my beloved Yellow Jackets destroyed a team that Auburn beat with a baseball score, and those same Jackets are one touchdown away from having topped UGA’s scoring against SEC opponents in two games.

Let’s face it. No polls should be taken until after the first week’s worth of games are played. At that point the voters have seen this year’s teams and coaches and are then free to move teams around the ratings as the games, and not the previous year, dictate.

Back to that black out. Kudos to my Tide friend who ordered the T-shirt. I can’t wait to see him wearing that with a UA hat.

I can’t remember when I began learning about planar versus non-planar shapes, but somehow I don’t think it was in 5 year kindergarten. Over breakfast today my son started talking about spheres. Spheres! Good grief. I thought five year olds were doing well to know about circles and squares. At this rate I’ll be helping him with his calculus homework in fourth grade.